Beyond Borders

1642again, Going Postal

I drank deep from the vats of the brewery the other night and some hours later the  fair muse of Hook Norton visited me in my dreams. 

“Out-of-time Ironside,” she said in her sweetest Joan Greenwood lilt which made my  skin goose-pimpular, “to quiet your unstill spirit I bring you a vision, the first  of many, into which you must pour your energies and heart to help wage the  cultural struggle to reclaim our lost civilisation and the freeing of the peoples  of the West.”

My tongue was dry, my heart was racing, my mind buzzing (and not just from the  radiant nectar I had been supping) for she was fair beyond mortals, her voice of  paralysing mellifluence, her eyes commanding, such I that I could neither move nor  speak.

“You must write a script for a televisual series, a heroic epic set far into the  future.  Listen carefully to what I say…”

Under such an injunction, on her departure I was freed and commenced writing with  a frenzy worthy of the great master EoL himself.

And so the story begins, commencing with,

The Opening Monologue by Convener and Co-Chair James ‘VOP’ Jungkirk

“Freedom: No borders.  These are the voyages of the Starship Universal Benefit.   Her continuing mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and  proclivities, to boldly go where no non-specific gendered or sexually oriented  humanoid has gone before, and ferry them all back to Earth.”

The Concept and Backstory

Civilised humanity is failing, its people murmuring revolt against the  enlightened perpetual leadership of the Global Union, especially the benighted  fascist racist cis-gendered ones of the West whose undeserving privilege it is to  contribute all their productive efforts to the other more deserving but  unfortunately unproductive inhabitants of the Solar System and its ever-growing  number of dependencies.

The leader of Humanity’s Senate, Ban Quick-Flop, in a desperate effort to rescue  humanity from the growing Rebel Alliance, led by its mystery leadership known only  by their code names ‘The Don’, ‘Kek’ and ‘Barage’, is negotiating a new larger  union with the powerful ‘Clinton Empire’ led by the hereditary HillBill dynasty.   But confidential files, whose revelation would imperil the secret merger  negotiations, have gone missing.  And so the heroic crew of the Starship Universal  Benefit are sent on a vital mission to find who is responsible, to recover the  lost Universe-Mails and to uncover the identities and nefarious plans of the  diabolical Rebel Alliance leadership.  The crew’s misadventures become the story  arc of the series as they venture into deepest space on their desperate mission to  do good everywhere.

The Characters

Convener and co-Chair: James ‘VOP’ Jungkirk, mission commander, heroic, noble but  with a set of terrible flaws which humanise him but render him comatose for hours  at a time.

First Officer and Purser: Dr Sorosk, the fiendishly clever alien-droid hybrid, who  feels no emotion at all as he uses his lethal ‘Death Grip’ to destroy the futures  of all who oppose him.

Communication Droid #1: CN24neeio, broadcasts on all channels without pause as it  seeks to communicate with all life forms extending to them ‘welcome and free  passage to Earth’.

News Droid #1: R2Beeb4: broadcasts on all channels 24 hours per day the ‘correct  facts and figures’ as sanctioned and validated by Dr Sorosk and the Senate back  home.

Lieutenant Dianne Allura: communications officer, extraordinarily endowed in a  uniform that makes no effort to cover it.  Voracious in her appetites and  possessing an unerring ability to find enemies everywhere.

Engineering Officer ‘Scotty’ Sturgeon: a genius with the EUfund Mk1 Warp Drive,  needs her own translating machine, the first of the new wave of affirmative action  engineering officers. 

Lieutenant Nicky Clegg: navigation officer, this appointment represents his last  chance after losing his previous 50 ships, but he is the on-board heartthrob  action on the basis of his 30 claimed female kills.

Lieutenant Sadiq, weapons officer, exotic, young, fanatical and ambitious with a  murky background and duskier associates among the ever-growing alien contingent on  board.  Replaces the previous weapons officer Lieutenant-Commander Ivan Pushtoff  who is rumoured to have defected to the Rebel Alliance.

Empress-unelect Clinton, wife of the former disgraced and abdicated Emperor  Clinton whose predatory ways were too much even for the sycophantic imperial court  to endure.  The Empress-unelect is desperate for her inauguration before her  failing health gives way so that she can become first Supreme Empress of the  putative Clinton Galactic Union and anoint her favourite, Huma the Modevil, as her  successor.

Emperor (current) Barakkabad, the failing and listless current ruler whose  vitality and life force have been consumed by the doctored Mediplan heart-implant  fitted by Dr Sorosk in conjunction with Huma the Modevil.

Weiner the parasite: a strange alien organism that enters its host by their  reproductive organs to consume their youth and innocence before retreating, sated  and bloated, to its symbiotic carrier organism Huma the Modevil.

Pilot Episode – ‘Lost in Space’

Exploring well off the beaten track the plucky crew of the Universal Benefit come  across a barely functioning shipwreck with only one shattered survivor,  Midshipperson Farron, on board.  Yes, it’s one of Nick’s former lost ships, but is  all that it seems on board?  And what is that Armada of unidentified dark ghost  ships coming out of the Forbidden Hell Sector and which is headed for earth?

And so I rested and thought I would ask my friends of GP for feedback before I  submit it to the BBC or one of the American channels as a script pitch.

© 1642again