date: Thur MAY 27, 2016
subject: My Beautiful Calais Launderette.
With reference to your Shocking Picture In Last Nights edition, of ‘The Jungle’ and the Appalling conditions these abandoned shipwrecked vessels of Humanity are forced to live in. May I recommend to ‘Mohammed of Eritrea’ Who Heavily featured in your moving testimony , The heavy duty 5 line retractable ,
Carbon Fibre, lockable tension washing line from John Lewis( the after care service is first class), for a Very Reasonable £199.99. Instead of using what appears to be a length of umbilical cord ripped from a Swan or sundry wildlife creature to dry their Shitted pants upon.