The Rise of the Uber-Twat, A Phenomenon of our Times

Coloniescross, Going Postal

Colin Cross had something of a fascination for words, he was by nature inquisitive, a bit of a loner and as a child he was quickly recognised as someone that could “go places”. He had above average abilities in all academic subjects, so much so that he was awarded a place at Grammar School without having to sit the 11 plus exam, something that rarely happened.

Sometimes things have a way of changing very rapidly and Colin, a quite ordinary if somewhat naive boy at twelve who was in the top groups for all core subjects in his first year, was, by the time he was fourteen, one of the most disruptive, insolent and aggressive pupils at the school. He became a serial truant, refused to submit homework and generally teetered on the edge of expulsion for the rest of his time at the school. He achieved one “O” level, in art, and was told by his head of year that he should leave as they would refuse to have him back if he decided to return for “A” level studies . For nearly 5 years he was a twat towards his teachers, his mother and many of his peers, who had done little or nothing to deserve his treatment of them.

Luckily Colin had a brain like a sponge, as much as he determined not to learn some of the message got through. His mother always said, when they were finally reconciled after a number of years (Colin now called this period of his life the “wilderness”) , that if his life had taken a different path there wouldn’t have been anything he couldn’t do, but she was his mum after all.

Looking back Colin now realised he had had some great teachers who were patient and showed him great understanding. There were also one or two who were complete twats, at least to his mind, who   only saw his bad side because that was what they wanted to see.

Lots of years and thousands of books later Colin considered himself fairly well read, reasonably intelligent but somewhat under educated. Something he addressed by trying to learn something new every day.

One of the things that interested Colin was the way words that had their origins in archaic language could be used as descriptive terms, especially words with a sexual connotation that were now regularly used to describe certain types of people.

Colin liked the word “twat” and often used it both in his conversations and his written musings. He felt he understood its basic meaning but he wanted to find out more about this short, simple, and highly descriptive word.

The word itself has been around for a long time, it came into common parlance in around 1650 and it is believed to derive either from the Norse word thveit (a slit), an old Northern English word thwaite  (a forest clearing) or a combination of both.

Twat is a word that was originally used, and to some extent still is, as a derogatory term for the vagina and also as a term for a woman of “easy virtue”. Americans have corrupted the word to a different spelling, replacing the “a” with an “o”.

In more recent times (certainly from the 1960’s and maybe before) the word has passed into urban slang and is now commonly used to describe an unpleasant and/or stupid person.

Colin preferred the word to the more commonly used terms such as cunt, wanker and knob, especially when using it to describe someone who assumed that their supposed standing in public life meant they could claim moral and or intellectual superiority over lesser mortals. He did feel though that new types of “combination” word (wankpuffin, spunkbadger, gobblegrebe and others) were destined to be used by more and more people.

As with much in the modern world, being a twat, acting twatishly or displaying twatishness was simply not enough for some people. Consequently Colin had witnessed, in recent years, the rise of what he called the Uber-Twat. To Colin’s mind, at least, there were now so many Uber-Twats inhabiting popular culture, politics and the media that an exhaustive list of those worthy of the title would be virtually impossible to create. He also realised that the perception of who or what is (or isn’t) an Uber-Twat was often a matter of personal choice.  In the world of twatishness, as in most other spheres of social interaction, one man’s (or woman’s) twat is someone else’s idol.

Colin has told me that he makes no apologies for offering up a short list of some of those people he personally considers to be Uber-Twats, along with some groups who collectively deserve the accolade, and his reasons for choosing them.  He fully expects that you will feel free to suggest additions to the list and/or challenge it.

Uber-Twats from the World Stage

Peter Sutherland, United Nations Advisor, for his belief that disease, death and the prospect of terror should be shared equally by all those not part of the Global elite.

Barak and Michelle Obama for believing that Black Lives Matter more than white lives but nothing matters so much as golf and being a celebrity.

Bill and Hillary Clinton, for saying one thing and doing a million others, purely out of greed and self interest.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, Head of ISIL, for cynically exploiting the mentally subnormal to terrorise a planet in the name of one branch of a medieval cult religion.

Tayip Erdogan for being Tayip Erdogan.

Uber-Twats from the World of British Politics

The Scottish pair of Salmond and Sturgeon, for believing their own myths and for having ideas way above their station in life.

The NuLiebore gang of four (Bliar, Mandleson, Brown, Campbell) for a myriad of reasons, mostly involving treason, telling lies and war mongering.

Diane Abbott for being the consummate hypocrite, system player and political lightweight.

Natalie Bennett for being the unparalleled exponent of the difficult art of fuckwittery.

Anna Soubry for proving beyond any doubt that politics isn’t for everybody.

Cameron and Osborne for getting it so wrong and not having a plan for it being right.

Tim Farron

Uber-Twats from the World of the MSM

Evan Davies for nothing other than being the archetypal twat.

The Radio 4 Today presenters (current and recently past), for their supreme arrogance and misplaced self righteous belief in their own infallibility.

Dan Hodges for not knowing he is where he is because of who his mother is and not because he possesses one iota of talent.

Jon Snow for being possibly the MSM’s biggest apologist for Islamic terrorism.

Laurie Pennie for just being a very silly young person.

Sky News.

ITV News.

The Anti-British Broadcasting Collective.

Uber-Twats from the World of the Arts

This is a group of very special people, in most cases they don’t have the wit they were born with or the reasoning powers of a stale digestive biscuit. Even so they appear, day after day, across all media platforms to tell the people that have made them rich and famous what to do and how to think. According to this select group of actors, comedians, presenters, “artistes” and artists “ordinary people” (at least the ones that don’t agree 100% with them) are thick, stupid, racist, selfish, misogynistic, politically unaware and small minded.

I give you, in no particular order and for starters only;

Eddie Izzard, Jeremy Hardy, Charlotte Church, Bob Geldof, Bonio (the uber-twats uber-twat), Chris Martin, Jamie Oliver, Lilly Allen, Paloma Faith, James Corden, Gary Lineker, Jude Law, Vivienne Westwood, Stephen Fry, Charlie Brooker, Tracy Emin, David Wallians, David Beckham, Emma Thompson, Patrick Stewart and Benedict Cumberbatch.

Coloniescross ©