Going Postal goes to the pictures

Stay Puft, Going Postal

Following the tragedy of September 11, it was reported in the US that video rental stores – those places you only read about in history books now – saw a huge spike in rentals of films like Die Hard, with commentators observing how it was a natural response to a horrific situation by seeking catharsis from entertainment that provides a happy resolution that reality doesn’t and has the good guys, the West – and yes, we ARE the good guys despite what self-hating, metropolitan, white guilt Guardianistas say – triumphing over evil.

Now once again our hearts are broken as 84 innocent people, many of them children, are slaughtered by a follower of a rabid death cult. It is normal and healthy in these circumstances to seek a cathartic release from the horrors of the world brought about by this ideology.

So let’s go to the movies.

Has everyone taken their seats in the auditorium? Good. Hogwarts, stop telling the other audience members that you once played triangle in a band. And yes, I know the snacks are expensive but you don’t have to ask the cinema manager if he knows that you knit. Leftyliesrefuted, you don’t need to keep calling the cinema staff “friend.” Romabob, stop shouting out “Lush” every time an attractive lady appears on screen. Same goes for saying “Lordy”, Guardian’s Quitter. And Med, put back my shoes.

Now that we’re ready, here’s a selection of satisfyingly politically incorrect and right wing films which you might want to check out as a bit of escapism from the miseries of real life.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Starting with a relatively underrated one, this is mostly a courtroom drama but does have some exciting action set-pieces. A US marine, played by Samuel L Jackson, is court-martialed after men under his command kill civilians during a battle with Islamists outside the US embassy in Yemen. This was mauled by right-on leftie critics. You can’t ask for a better endorsement than that.

TAKEN

Who doesn’t love this classic? Forget the mediocre sequels, the original is the best and one of the greatest action films ever. A former CIA agent takes on East European and Saudi human traffickers in Paris in order to rescue his daughter. He uses intense interrogation methods like electric shocks on one of the worst thugs, and there’s a passing mention by one character about how these traffickers have invaded France and spread across the country.

FROM PARIS WITH LOVE

Possibly my favourite out of all of them, this delightfully action packed romp is from the same people as TAKEN and stars John Travolta as an American agent who comes to Paris ostensibly to investigate a drugs ring but is actually there to track down a Pakistani terror cell. This ticks all the politically incorrect boxes: a foul mouthed hero who gives Bernard Manning a run for his money, Islamic terrorism, a western convert who betrays their country, burkas used as covers for attacks, and terrorists killed in a variety of entertaining ways.

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE and DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR

We’re firmly in B-movie territory with these two flicks, both made in 1987, but they’re guilty pleasures. WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE stars Rutger Hauer as a bounty hunter on the trail of a terrorist who’s played, in a rather bizarre piece of casting, by Gene Simmons of KISS. DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR is a straightforward shoot ’em up from the “one man army” school of action cinema, with a gunnery sergeant taking on terrorists in the middle east. Neither are great works of cinema but best enjoyed with a few beers and pizza.

THE DELTA FORCE

Also in B-movie territory, this firmly pro-Israel flick stars Chuck Norris and Lee Marvin in a story inspired by the real life events in Entebbe. A Delta Force unit take on Muslim terrorists who’ve taken the passengers of a plane hostage. Another one that’s been attacked by the leftie brigade.

LONDON HAS FALLEN

The most recent release in this list, the terrorists are never overtly referred to as Islamic, but the hero played by Gerard Butler does tell one of them “You’ve been trying to kill us for a long time. But in a 1000 years, we’ll still be here” and tells another “Pack your shit up and go back to Fuckheadistan.” Lots of violent action, some woeful CGI, and an absolute laugh from start to finish.

TRUE LIES

The big daddy of them all. Arnie takes on a cell of Islamic terrorists in a series of spectacular sequences, including a memorable chase involving a motorbike and a horse. From James Cameron before he turned into a tree hugger with Avatar. This ruffled a lot of leftie feathers back in the summer of 1994 but was a smash with audiences. The ultimate in politically incorrect action adventures.

TO AVOID:

Mention has to go to a couple of films which are the very opposite and should be avoided.

EXECUTIVE DECISION

Starts promisingly until there’s the ludicrous spectacle of one of the terrorists suddenly getting a conscience and telling his leader that their faith forbids killing. Yeah, like that would happen.

NON-STOP

Quite possibly the most offensive film made in the last decade, this terrorist on a plane film has a devout Muslim as a heroic doctor and the son of a man who died on September 11 as the terrorist. Just pause for a moment to consider that. They made the villain someone who lost his father on September 11. This one’s for Guardianistas, Corbynistas and jihadists.

So there you go. Grab some popcorn if you haven’t run out yet from watching Labour’s ongoing comedy and check out some of these movies for a bit of cathartic escapism.

Stay Puft ©