The Slightly Scuffed but Exceedingly Comfortable Suede Brogue of Sovereignty


Colin Cross smiled wryly as he waited by the car in the drive, he and his wife were preparing for a trip “down south” to visit their children and grandchildren. He knew, based on past experience that Mrs C would be just a little longer in getting ready to leave than the 15 minutes she claimed.

As was Colin’s wont, when he had a bit of time to himself, he started to think about the current state of things, it had been 4 years since the referendum and Colin, approaching his 69th birthday, wondered at the positive changes already in evidence and those still to come.
Colin had been a vociferous campaigner for Leave and had been overjoyed when the vote result came in delivering a 58.5% to 41.5% majority in favour of that very position. Colin even knew of a certain Welsh church going odd job man that had retired on the proceeds of his spread betting on the outcome.

Coloniescross, Going Postal
Lake District

The Crosses were lucky to live in The Lake District, a wonderful part of the United Kingdom. It had been revitalised in recent years by a surge in tourism from around the world and a boost to the local economy created by relaxation in planning laws and a 50 million pound affordable homes scheme (made possible by not paying into EU coffers). This scheme, endorsed by UKAP and supported by the RCP, ensured that local young people could live and work in the area where they were born, should they so choose.  Sensible policies regarding the purchase of second homes, coupled with the end of Free Movement and the tightening of border controls had led to a huge reduction both in net migration numbers and spending on benefits, while allowing tight public service budgets to be spent on those things most needed. Proper pension provision, new school buildings, better training for teachers, nurses and social workers were things all now coming on stream as a benefit of leaving the EU.
The village itself was thriving, with a busy popular pub (run by a lovely Italian couple and staffed by seasonal European and local workers) and school. For the first time in years the population (of the village) was increasing due to the stabilisation of the economy, meaning the balance of older and younger residents gave it a real community feel, unencumbered by either unmanageable levels of diversity or enrichment. Not to say that there wasn’t a good mix of people, the local doctor and his family were of Indian descent,  a West Indian family ran a local pig farm, the landlords 3 kids all went to the local school and there were two gay couples, it was just, balanced.
Farming was still at the heart of the local community and the local farm owners were now taking on agricultural apprentices and farm workers to cope with the increased world demand for quality meat and dairy products, produced with animal welfare and good old fashioned British husbandry to the forefront. British produce had long been world renowned for its quality and now, owing to the removal of many niggling and petty EU regulations and the Commonwealth free trade agreement, set up within one year of the Leave vote, people at home and further afield were able to enjoy it to the full.

Coloniescross, Going Postal
Peak District

Friday was generally the day that Colin chose for his journeys to visit his kids, it wasn’t that much quieter on the roads, but owing to the falls in inward migration and the fact that some UK residents still considered Friday a “holy day” there just seemed to be fewer badly driven Toyota Celica and Honda Accords’ on the roads.

Colin had a quick look at his watch, the wife would be out in 5 minutes and they could get on their way, Colin’s greenhouse was weeded and watered, something he had the time to do now that both he and the wife had been able to retire while still relatively young and fit enough to enjoy it. The raising of the retirement age, another EU influenced construct, had been reviewed and the law regarding it had been revoked. Chancellor and Deputy PM Farage had made this one of his priorities as soon as the United Kingdom Alliance Party/Real Conservative Party had got into government. State pensions had also been increased to reflect the amounts of money paid into government coffers over the years, meaning British people of all races and creeds benefitted properly from the welfare state according to their contribution.

Colin was disturbed from his reverie by the postman walking down the drive, calling a cheery “Good morning, one letter today, looks a bit official like, what have you been up to?” “Nowt that you wouldn’t do” he replied with a grin and proceeded to open the envelope;

Dear Colin

Due to the continuing improvement in government finances and in recognition of your long work history and that of your wife we are pleased to inform you, as we are many others in the UK, of some changes to policy, as of 01/07/2020 which will have a direct effect on you and your family.

  • State pension will be increased, for a couple, to £450 per week (subject to contribution level).  
  • VAT on domestic fuel will be removed.
  • The License fee is scrapped, BBC1 & 2 will be free to view, other channels will be by subscription, the commitment to Inform, Entertain and Educate will be reinforced
  •  Road Fund License is scrapped and will be added to fuel duty (drive less, spend less)
  • Diesel and petrol duty is to be reduced by 25%
  • Beer and Cider brewed for sale in public houses and with an ABV below 4% will be exempt from excise duty

You may well think that is has taken rather a long time to get to this point, and that the first couple of years following vote Leave were tough on the citizens of the United Kingdom but with strength of conviction, fortitude and belief in our abilities as a nation we have reached a position which is envied by the free world. Very soon we will see the publication of a British Bill of Rights, the revocation of the last of over 3,000 EU laws and directives and the signing of a United Kingdom constitution that is truly about and for the people of the whole of our nation.

We thank you for your support and patience and wish you all the best for a shared bright future.

Kate Hoey (Prime Minister and Home Secretary)

Colin looked up to see his wife locking the front door and making her way to the car. He couldn’t wait to show her the letter. After years of EU misrule and the turbulence in everyone’s lives caused by “Brexit” things were now finally coming good, as he had always known they would. The Camerons and Mandlesons of this world, now consigned to the dustbin of history, had failed to reckon with the indomitable spirit and determination of the British people. Now everyone in the country, whatever their background race or colour and so long as they stuck to the rules and obeyed the laws, could benefit from living in a free, peaceful and just society.

Colin started his engine and pulled out of his drive. As he passed the pub he started to tell his wife about the letter, he also reminded her that they needed to be back in reasonable time on Tuesday as the domino league would be starting up, which raised a cheeky eyebrow.

His wife, a woman of few words, unless the cricket was on said “Ee Colin, I’m so glad things are finally getting settled, I just wonder what life would have been like if we had voted to stay in”.

Colin didn’t reply, he just did a little inward smile and pulled onto the dual carriageway.

Coloniescross ©

Part one here