|The Prince of Darkness|
Behold, there is a star in the East……………………
As anticipated deciding on the makeup of the regional Council of Eastern Europia has been fraught with challenges.
There have been many attempts to bribe the Central Committee; you will be pleased to know that all such attempts have been virulently rebuffed. All the accrued cash has been placed with the ECB for safe keeping until such time as a decision is made as to what the Central Committee wants to spend it on, you can be certain, citizens of Europe, that it will be spent for the good of all.
When the makeup of the committees was agreed in principle the aim was for them to reflect, as closely as possible, the political and social diversity of each region, evidenced so far by the broad range of members on the Central and Western committees.
This has proved to be somewhat problematic, given that many citizens of Eastern Europia are now resident in Western Europia and given that many in the west have a better grasp of the “project” as we see it.
Many names have been put forward for the five places we felt needed to be allocated to those persons with the experience and know how to allow Eastern Europia to become a fully functioning element within Greater Europia.
Jeremy Corbyn was proposed (again by Leftyliesrefuted) based on the fact that he had once been to East Germany and “quite liked it there”, solid reasoning but unfortunately not quite solid enough.
Diane Abbott was proposed and accepted, based on the grounds that she too had visited East Germany, quite liked it and was not a racist.
Alistair Campbell was proposed and rejected; it was felt that all excess vodka production should be used for export rather than for local consumption.
Peter Mandleson was proposed and accepted, clearly Peter is an inspired choice given his track record in working with some of the more “progressive” politicians and businessmen in the area.
Paddy Ashdown was proposed but even we knew that was just someone’s idea of a joke.
Peter Tachell was proposed and accepted as it was felt that some of our citizens in the East may benefit from a little education in sexual diversity that didn’t include goats or 14 year old white girls.
Betty Boothroyd was proposed and seen as a calming influence on what might be a quite robust debating chamber but rejected on the grounds that she might possibly be a bit “English”.
Baroness Lawrence was proposed and accepted as it was felt that her ability to maintain momentum with issues long since resolved would be a positive step.
Finally it was felt that a representative with a fine knowledge of the arts, an understanding of classical literature, the ability to clearly communicate balanced unbiased views on a range of subjects and a long and distinguished career in his or her chosen field was required.
Peter Hitchens was proposed and rejected, although he had lived and worked in Eastern Europe for some time it was felt that his unswerving belief in telling the truth, no matter how painful, might “rub some people up the wrong way”.
Sir Leonard of Henry was proposed and accepted, and will be given the brief of bringing enlightenment, tolerance, comedy, ant-racism (reversed) and crap blues singing to all those poor people in the East who haven’t yet heard of him.
The makeup of the full committee will be announced in due course, along with the first of our major policy decisions which will affect all our citizens in the most positive of ways.