Tales from EoL, the Ronnie Corbett Soliloquy, Pt III

Eraser of Love, Going-Postal.Net
Ronnie Lane

Just read that Brooklyn Beckham has been released by Arsenal. Must be difficult if he is only going to be conference standard or worse people will always compare him to his dad.

ive always found it hard living in the footsteps of my father , East ham dave, of east ham.

his membership number is 00000000000002 at the east ham working mens club.

he had a affair with stephanie desyks.

He sold french blues to dave dee dozy beaky mick and titch in 1964 which resulted in titch falling off the stage at east ham granada

He had a drink with jesus christ otherwise known as robert powell in a hotel bar.

he once punched stevie marriot in the nose in forest gate pub in 1963.

he played harmonica with ronnie lane in a skiffle band in upton park.

every song he plays on said harmonica sounds like the old grey whistle test theme tune.

he smoked weed with otis reading , again at the east ham granada, back stage in 1966.

he went to live in a cave in cornwall for 3 months when my mum left him breifly in the long hot summer of 1976.

when my mum finally left him in 1978, he got steaming and got on stage with georgie fame and ‘done the dog’ , before falling off the stage, at yes, the east ham granada.

Georgie Fame

after a marathon drinking session and spunking all the housekeeping he returned home to my somewhat apocolyptic step mother , with the excuse that , “I turned the corner on green street and got knocked out by a freak gust of wind , that carried me 20 yards down the road and knocked me out. for at least 8 hours…some cunt must have lifted me fucking wallet when i was unconscious “..

Such was his performance he came to believe this story himself , despite stinking of vodka, bicardi,gin and 180 ‘kim’ cigarettes.

still maintains this crock of shit story to this day.

insists he is the 2nd cousin of ry cooder and tom waites despite zero evidence to back these questionable facts up.

this is just a microscopic (and legal)sample of the legend that is east ham dave, which even at the age of 70, shows no sign of stopping to this very day.

but as his son and heir one does what one can

I am the son

and the heir

of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

I am the son and the heir

of east ham dave.

*for the sake of my mothers dignity i cannot mention the story invloving her, my old man and geroge melly in 1977

Eraser of Love ©